XIV

Where are you?
I searched for you in the house,
I laid in your bed and cried, wishing you could understand
Like you used to
I searched in my memories,
Photo albums only suffice for so much
And I can't remember how you laughed without cancer
Where are you?
I searched in your own head,
Yet I can't find my mom, I can't find all the things you used to be
How you were always there for me

There's a picture of you in your wedding dress
Sitting on your dresser, always has, always will
Maybe someday you'll realize how much he loves you
Maybe you'll hear him counseling me on the phone
He serves you in ways you'll never know
He can't replace you
But he has to

And all the places I look for you
Are void of how you used to be
I don't recognize the mom I see
And I can't be okay with that
I'm sorry